wow

Almost 3 months since my last entry.
Currently reading an Emily Dickenson biography and readying some poems for submission.

Lost in summer

Mucha

hope it rains

movies/books

Saw: Gran Torino: Interesting, for Clint Eastwood
Tropic Thunder, with the incomparable RDjr.
Reading: Best American Essays 2007-article by Malcolm Gladwell
also reading: A BioCritique of Emily Dickenson
also, various blogs
enjoying: my beloved Possets

long weekend

Reading Elizabeth Alexander's collection of poems, American Sublime, and it is. Also a book about aromatherapy because I'm having such a great time with Possets. Br and I together after 2 weeks apart (graduations!). He is calming and funny and indulges me as a woman ought to be. I'm desperate for some new music.
blah blah blah

songs...

please, no more songs about heroes, wings, dreams, blah blah blah.....

Beautiful graduation ceremony. Patty looked lovely.

Busy week gone, busy week ahead.
P's graduation week from today!
Serious work issue meeting, waaaaaaay too much paperwork.

Lilacs in bloom,balmy, cool, comfortable weather.
Poems in my head. The people on the Possets forum seem to be better than most forum writers, so I count reading/writing there as practice. And sampling a different scent each day is delightful, brings up memories. I feel better.

That %$#@&^!! flu thing and others...

Well, one school, because of one possible swine flu case, in our district closed Monday. NOT the school I'm at. No one seems to know what's what or panicking, except, it seems, the news. There's always a lot of kids sick in schools.
Got my Possets oil scent samples in the mail today. I am a serious scent addict. It calms me.
Jumbled lines in my head. I am still not disciplined enough to WRITE A LINE OR IDEA DOWN as soon as I get it.
No one is reading this...HEY YOU OUT THERE...if you read this, leave a comment!

G'night.

May Day

Oh!
(after a week of lousy blood sugar, hellish finances, mystery flu and some sad,disturbing moments with-hate the phrase,but here it is,covers everyone in my life-significant others)
it was Friday! And May Day!
And I had a sudden flash memory: Of making paper cones, filling them with flowers and giving them to parents, friends, neighbors. At least once in my life, I have danced around a maypole and the best memory of all, so dreamlike that I've checked with childhood friends: Did this really happen? Yes, yes it did and it was as enchanting as I recall: waking up some spring morning and finding our lawns covered with wildflowers: tiny snowdrops, dutchman's breeches hiding close to the trees , bluebells. Cherry,apple,pear trees blooming, and a fairy ring (a perfect circle of much darker grass on the lawn,where the fairies had danced.)
A gift, this memory. All these years, it must have been hiding behind bills, arguments, joys, reports, faces and voices.
Waking up, Persephone, warming, sweet rain, hope. Hey! This memory was closer than i thought-I know I wrote a poem about emerging in the spring...
wonder what notebook it's in...

Prime the pump...

Writing, about anything seems to- as every teacher I ever had told me-that writing begats writing begats the wonderful feeling, that need to, want to create.

OR, it could just be my Piscean way of hiding from..you know...life.

Books books books books

Lately, have been reading:
Seven Days In The Art World/Sarah Thornton (library)
The Poet's Notebook/ edited:Kuusisto, Tall, Weiss (library)
A Book of Luminous Things/edited: Czeslaw Milosz (my own; a favorite)
All of This and Nothing/ Christoper Major (this and other of his work free downloads-gotta find links!)

Oh!And Mother Goose, just for fun;illustrations by Blanche Fisher Wright.
Now, (well not now,I'm tired) I want to swoon over Parrish's and Dulac's illustrations)
Past couple years, have been reading almost exclusively (besides poetry), non-fiction: Malcolm Gladwell, Joan Didion, Annie Dillard, Mirth of a Nation, My Mother's Wedding Dress, Perfumes: The Guide, the governments 9/11 report. 2 1/2 times, that one. Finally, Br, P and R asked me to please stop reading it. It was a racous read, what with my frequent shrieks, sputterings, throwing the book across the room and demanding "LISTEN TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!"...followed by semi-coherent rants.

Oh, there's more...Im tired...
Sleep sweet, sweet sleep

oh dear

A jangled weekend. Br,P,R and I each upset about various things and I was no help to them at all.
Br made FOUR peanut-butter cheesecakes. We each ate about a 1/2 of one-not all at once A treat now and then is legal, but I forgot to take insulin Sunday and maybe Saturday night.
Brandon remarked I was acting 'drunk' ( I don't drink). I felt too happy, then too sad and did not make the connection til Monday morning when I awoke disoriented, groggy, not 'right'. Blood sugar was below 80. I feel best when it's between 100-115. I felt like I was going to fall asleep driving from Aurora to Oak Lawn.
Should have gone home, but I went to school, where luckily the diabetes experts took over, God bless them: they are either diabetic or live with someone who is. The nurse followed me home. I had some juice and fell asleep. I'm not hungry. But I do feel better. This was a scary occurrence. I have never forgotten meds before and I've been pretty good at catching the blood sugar drops as soon as it drops. And this cannot happen again.

The magnolia is in full bloom, with petals already on the lawn. Thunderstorms. A dreamy spring.
What am I most worried about lately? Oh, yeah---the mortgage.

I do not heart blogging.

Well, I don't .
This is about blog #5 for me and just like the diaries I tried to keep as a kid, I could not maintain them.
The problem seems to be: what do I want it to be about?
I'm not comfortable with it being a diary-too personal.
The poems are written by hand in various notebooks and don't get on the computer until I'm fairly sure they're done.
My opinions? Op-ed? Essays? Same as with the poetry and who cares what a midwestern, divorced, baby boomer, mother of 2 adult children, sp ed teacher thinks about anything anyway?
Geeeeze...sometimes I can't stand the sound of my own voice and sometimes I can't stand the visual of my own writing...blah blah blah...
So this will be an evolving, experimental blog. Or something like that.

The Magnolias Are A'bloom

(pictures in reverse from bottom up) For awhile,there's a lovely pink and green bower framing my house. And WHOOOOO! I'm going green. That means a lawn of clover, violets and dandelions and not to save the earth, but because I hate yardwork. I hate spreading lawn feed and trimming bushes and trees. The ex left me gardens on all sides of the house and garage and I detest weeding. I'll rip out whatever can be ripped out then spread cheap mulch.
Blogging...just seems like another diary I start, then stop, like when I was a kid. I'll try. It does seem to prime the pump and keep me writing.
But I will NOT twitter.

Patty's BFA show and other stuff

Patty's work was beautifully displayed (April)in SAIC's Sullivan Gallery. She was so lovely. Her friends, teachers from previous school, family were there for her. All around, a great night.
Now graduation in May. Then....????

(Thank you, Poetry Victims)

oh my oh my

Patty's birthday was Weds, 3/11. Rog and I bought a cake and saw her and Jason's apt in Chinatown. It's in an old building, lots of sweet details, very good vibe from the building and the apt. The apt is decorated like...an art student's apt!
She showed us the projects she's putting in the BFA show on 3/20, at SAIC. I cry when I think of it, the show...silly, huh?
Have been sick sick sick all week...need more antibiotics and busy at work and depressed at home with piles of bills...
Have not checked email all week---just go home and sleep.
And---vanity----what to wear to the show without looking like a suburban mom?
Have three partial poems in my head and 3 partial poems on paper but can't bring it all together. I'm just jotting down lines, feels like being lost...i'll pay some bills, get some rest, focus on Patty's show, then sort my thoughts and regroup. Blood sugar highish, not eating well. And Brandon is my rock.

The Name My Mother Almost Named Me

Tomorrow is my birthday.
It seems like a good time to haul out an old story that has passed into family lore. I didn't find out about it until my late 20's, when we were tossing names about for our first soon to be born child.
My mother wanted my first and middle names to honor female relatives.
Mer mother's (my grandmother) name was Survylla Alice but she was called Sally. My grandmother's sister was named Rilla. My mother's step-father's mother's name was Cynthia. My paternal grandmother's name was Ella. So my mom had some odd names and syllables to work with.
After much thought-so she said-she decided that the perfect name for me would be Cinda Rilla.
My mother was laughing when she told this to me. My father and my eventually ex-husband joined in. This was major laugh-so-hard-you-cry, hold-the-stitch-in-your-side major yuks yuks for them. I see the humor now. I was truly horrified that my otherwise sensible mother would have even considered Cinda Rilla.
But a nurse suggested she think about it a bit more and Cynthia Alice was chosen.
God bless you, O, anonymous angel of mercy.
And Happy Birthday to Jon BonJovi, Lou Reed,Dr. Seuss,Kurt Weill,Desi Arnaz, John Irving,Tom Wolfe, Bedrich Friedrich Smetana (composer: the exquisite Moldau).
Fine company and Pisceans all!

i don't feel so good ::sniff::

wow...::reading below:: that's a poorly written lame bit of philosophy.
but zealots do exhaust me. there is never any 'wiggle' room with them, you know?
i am not using caps to conserve energy.
pretty sure i have bronchits or something, feel like hell, congested, blather, blather...need to look up insurance stuff.
you take care now, ok?
monday is my birthday.

Stop saying 'Everything happens for a reason'

Sure it does. It's called cause and effect.

People tend to say everything happens for a reason when trying to explain a mistake or a catastrophe. Frequently,religion is brought into it as in: It's God's plan, God is teaching us a lesson.
But it doesn't always wash, does it? What lesson does a victim and their loved ones learn if the victim is a child or if a tsunami wipes out a few villages, spares a few villages? The surviviors believed. The victims did not.
And this is where organized religion and I part company. I choose to live my life with this belief and this mystery: If there is a god, I cannot accept that he/she is so hateful that he punishes the innocent because...well, because of those moronic reasons listed abouve.
For me, it kind of simplifies Mobious strip discussions about god or religion or good or evil.

And zealots of every stripe exhaust me.

How many partially filled journals/notebooks do you have?

I have...a lot.
I like the experience of buying a new blank book, with a pretty or interesting cover. Then I fill them with, you know, stuff. Poems, essays, lists. It's easier for me to write in my little books rather than the computer, stacked near my bed, mixed in with the books I am reading, Once I get around to typing them into the computer, it's usually because they are done and after a few tweaks, ready to be sent somewhere.

Waiting for snow...again...

http://www.blogthings.com/whatartistshouldpaintyourportraitquiz/

Sometimes, we just need to amuse ourselves.
Who is your artist? Are you surprised? Pleased? Appalled?

Who Should Paint You: Gustav Klimt

Sensual and gorgeous, you would inspire an enchanting portrait... With just enough classic appeal to be hung in any museum!

(Gustav Klimt)

false spring

it's raining. A false spring: warm temperatures, slushy, melted snow, muddy yards, basement leaks, other leaks ruining my plaster walls.

There are a few partial poems lolling about in my head and lots, finished, I could post now, but when I read them, I wonder: What was I thinking???

(Thank you Cram 4)


This has been in my head lately...

So long, frank lloyd wright.
i cant believe your song is gone so soon.
i barely learned the tune
so soon. so soon.
(simon and garfunkle)

Reading, misc., Obama!

Furiously reading The Greatest Story Ever Sold by Frank Rich. We were sold snake oil by Cap'n Bush!!!

Last week, on the news, President Obama said he made a mistake about choosing possible cabinet appointmentees who had tax issues-which is business as usual during any adminstration. He said he made a mistake, would learn from it and move on.
Bush made a MISTAKE: he broke our country. Anyone ever hear Bush admit to a mistake?
When was the last time you heard any president admit a mistake?

Don't you hate when somone says 'all things must pass and so shall this'? I want to know WHEN.